Yet another Cracovian surprise, who would expect that above the tiny façade on Grodzka street, where passers-by queue for cones, lies a mammoth upstairs with bar, lounge and even children’s play area? In the latter a one-foot-high plastic dining table provides a perfect place for little princes and princesses to stuff themselves silly with ice-cream, before puking it back up on the assault course (pictured). Adult visitors are more likely to head for Lodziarnia’s lounge, a lovable masterpiece of poor design concept, with tacky chandeliers hanging from splintered wooden beams and uneven coats of colour striping the otherwise louche black walls. The prepubescent waitresses, whilst polite enough, tend to be of the ghostlike variety; ie. apparently they exist, but you’ve seen little evidence to support this hypothesis. Luckily with sofas comfortable enough to curl asleep on, ice-creams the size of Wawel Castle and cocktails thirty percent cheaper than most its rivals, Lodziarnia’s flaws are easily overlooked in favour of its finer attributes – much like your racist, but hilarious, grandfather.

5 / 5

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